im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
