You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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