If i come over, it means nothing
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
she told me i tasted like america
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
