took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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