his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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