Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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