I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
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It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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