but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
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