He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
