A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
