Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
ugly people sure do ruin things
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
