Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
