please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
