I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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