i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
