i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
