Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
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There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
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Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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