Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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