Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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