Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
