When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
