Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
