Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
