I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
