Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
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