Please don't use social media to get back at me.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
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he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
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Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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