a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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