I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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