if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
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The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
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He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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