I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
