Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I love you. Go after that dick
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
