shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
"it" just moved
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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