I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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