sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
