I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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