we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
