Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
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