Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
