Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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