Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
