Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
