She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
