i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
