I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Swine flu. Run for my life!
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
it's great music for shaving your balls
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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