It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
