Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
