my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
