proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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