yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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