you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
