Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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