You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
