Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
