Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
