i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
