it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
