OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
PANTIES FOUND
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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