Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
