dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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