bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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