Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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