we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I will pee on everything he values.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
